Pornography: Marriage Saver or Wrecker

Can you have that forbidden fruit, if you know your limits?

By Dr. Rachna K Singh, Lifestyle Counsellor at Artemis Healht Institute

Girish and Medha were experiencing ebbs in their sexual life. It lacked oomph. On a hunch they got an erotic video and watched it together. Their ‘love life’ needed this stimulus to blossom and the sexual fatigue became a thing of the past.

Akshayata and Akhil were facing turbulence in their marriage, and the reason was Akhil’s addiction to pornography. He would coax her to imitate the porn artists. Initally, Akhayata grudgingly complied but she found the whole act revolting and humiliating. She got divorce.

Two sets of couple have different outcomes with porn. For one it wrecks their marriage, for another it saves it? This brings us back to the essential question that is watching pornography right or wrong?

Pornography means different things to different people. Anything that can cause erotic stimulation, whether visual or print, falls within the purview of porn. With internet, porn became easily available to couples who are on ‘maintenance sex’ and want to shake their sexual life a bit. Porn allows such couples to communicate their erotic fantasies and adds immediate stimulation and spice to the monotonous routine. But, porn has to be viewed with caution. Getting it inside the bedroom is like having another person in your sex life, someone who is airbrushed and can set up unrealistic expectations in your marital relationship. When a wife discovers that her husband apparently prefers viewing pornography over having sex with her, she often has feelings of rage, repulsion, hurt, and mistrust. While many wives consider pornography to be insulting, degrading, and a form of cheating, there are husbands who don’t understand their wives’ anger about the use of pornography and don’t see themselves as being unfaithful.

How pornography hurts your marriage?

1. Desensitisation. How many times can you watch free adult pornographic stuff? You get kind of used to it. Then you graduate to paid movies and services to get that extra kink. It’s akin to an addict who has to increase the dose of his drug to get the same amount of kick. This paves the way for straying and crossing of moral boundaries because a lot of pornography revolves around illicit relationship.

2. Changing priorties. Initially, you would look forward to have an intimate time with your spouse, but as you get addicted to porn, you prefer to spend time in your fantasy world instead of your spouse. This undermines your ability to fulfill your own and your spouse’s needs as a couple. Moreover, your spouse can no way compete with people who exist in your sexual fantasy world.

Watching pornography is okay (legal adult movies) if both the parties are consenting to it and it doesn’t grow as an addiction. By addiction, it means that the person watching porn would prefer to spend a quiet time online with his fantasy world partners. Watching porn together as a couple can provide them a fantastic opportunity to share their imaginations and fantasies, which can reignite the spark in the love life of the couples. The final word is that you should view it with caution.

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