Friday, March 30th, 2012

How to Initiate Love Conversation

By Dr Uttam Dave, a well known Sex and Relationship Therapist, Author and Columnist

A woman to a man during sex, ‘keep it up.’ The man wonders if it was a comment or a compliment.

How important is sex talk in a relationship? Well, you can get naughty, talk dirty, but ‘sex talk’ is more than that. It is an important ingredient of a robust relationship. As time flows and relationships mature, sex tends to lose novelty. There is a lot to be said and heard. However, the feedback often comes in the garb of taunts or comments and it defeats the very purpose of it. Your sex life can become much richer, meaningful and satisfying if you know some ground rules about having a sex conversation. Here are eight of them.

1. Choose an appropriate time for the conversation. When you are talking there shouldn’t be any interruption. This may mean switching off the phone, putting the kids off to bed or stopping an activity that might interfere with the sex conversation. You can talk about sex after a satisfying session in the sack. Canoodle your partner and tell him what you enjoyed the most in the act. There is no need to postmortem each and every session, but a bit of feedback would not hurt.

2. Always speak in the first person. Say `I think or `I feel` rather than starting a sentence with `you’. When you begin a sentence with ‘you’, it sounds accusatory. Naturally in such a scenario your partner is going to defend himself.

3. How to handle rejection? What if your partner refuses to talk on a subject? In each relationship there can be subjects which can cause uncertainty and you need to talk about it right away. Speaking it is the easiest solution.

4. Dripping tap Technique: This is a technique used when your partner refuses to give you direct answers to your questions. It involves saying the same thing in a number of different ways until you get a satisfactory answer. For example, you could say, ‘I know that this is difficult, but could you explain in a bit more detail’ followed by `I need you to go through this with me so that I understand. Keep repeating your words in different ways till you get your answer.

5. Reassuring your partner: Many a time people keep their feelings in their heart for the fear of being criticized by their partner. All you have to do is to reassure your partner that you will not criticize or get angry on your partner for revealing his or her feelings. Please don`t break that promise.

6. Encourage your partner. There must be many things that are absolutely adorable about your partner. Before you delve in the details on which you need to work on, highlight the positives. It will certainly put your partner in the right frame of mind to listen to you. Verbal and physical gestures are critical during such moments. Hug your partner, stroke his hair when you are talking. Say some sweet nothings to your partner to make them feel extra special.

7. Reveal your uncertainties and your fantasies, for example, ‘I wish we could have sex every other day, I feel much dis-satisfied. What do you feel? This will allow your partner to speak his story. You can use post-sex conversations to discuss these. It’s likely that your partner will listen to your fancies more attentively.

8. How to handle anger? Your partner may fly in rage at the beginning of a conversation. Wait for the anger to subside. Acknowledge his anger and start the conversation later.

Use conversation effectively to spice your love life.

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Category: Sexual Health
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