Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Sex Concerns Whom to Ask

sex concernSex. Is it really on the top of the mind of people? Does it make so much difference after you have crossed those years of haywire hormones? Is it the cement that binds the marriage, or has it been overrated? Are fantasies and masturbation acceptable in a long-term relationship or are they signs that your love life has hit the rocks? So many queries and you don’t know whom to ask. You need not worry, because My Health Guardian has all the answers. You just keep on reading…

Let’s begin with fantasies. Somehow in the initial years, fantasies seemed just right. The perfect way to vent your sexual energy, but is it acceptable to fantasize if you are in a steady relationship? Dr Rachna K Singh, Lifestyle expert with Artemis finds fantasies absolutely normal. Why? Because it lends romance and fervour to a long term relationship. Going by surveys, from 60-90% of women and men have sexual fantasies during intercourse. It’s recommended that during sex you just live in the moment, but it rarely happens. Thoughts do intrude and it can be fantasies of other lovers, movie stars, old flames, new acquaintances or anyone. Men and women who fantasize are more likely to have sex frequently and it is a good sign for the love life. Fantasy poses a concern only when it is consistently about one person and you try to go out of your way to make your fantasy a reality.

Solo sex has been thought to belong to the domain of men and women without partners. This is partially true, because ‘self-service’ is a good way to stay aware of your sexuality. In fact, there can be times, when your partner would not be willing or ready enough to go whole hog. In those times solo-sex is a good way to satisfy your needs. Interestingly, men who suffer from premature ejaculation can prolong their erection, if they masturbate before the actual act, says senior Andrologist Dr Rajesh Taneja. Solo sex becomes a sign of problem in a relationship when it accompanies the viewing of porn and is always given preference to the real life.

Making up after a fight by making love is a healthy way to drive away boredom from your sexual life. Healthy sexual life is all about engaging the brain. And, if you continue providing it with the same stimulus, in the same surrounding (read sex in your bedroom on the same time whenever you do it!) the excitement begins to wear off. Now you know why in the initial years you feel more inclined towards sex, because the element of surprise remains. The raw primal energy used during fight when gets redirected towards an ‘another’ act will make lovemaking quite memorable, says sexologist, because when you are angry you use the hormone, adrenaline which is also responsible for the urge of sex. Next time when you fight, try getting physical in the middle of it and push down your beloved and seal the lips with a passionate kiss. Users claim that it drives away boredom from sexual relationships and brings back the novelty which brought you and your spouse together. However, use it sparingly, so that the novelty remains.

Many couples in a long-term relationship are intrigued on what makes few marriages sizzle while the rest fizzle. Sex certainly is an important ingredient of a healthy marital life. However, as marriages mature, priorities change and sex does take backseat. There are marriages, where sex is missing altogether or happens infrequently. In fact, how much of sex is just right depends on the discretion of the couple and it should be acceptable to both of them. If one of them is unhappy and craves for more of it, then certainly trouble is brewing in such relationships.

Apparently, such relationships appear just perfect, but absence of intimacy could pave the way for straying which is tantamount to ‘relationship-distress’. Absence of sex in marriage can be related to health concerns or can be a case of conflicting libido of both partners. While a health check will help you evaluate the problem and prescribe solutions for it, there is a lot you can do to bring the zing back in your marriage.

Sex usually doesn’t go out of a long-term relationship alone. Love usually follows it. Hence, you have to work to resolve concerns that bug both of you in the relationship. Broaching a subject may be difficult but once it is on the table, discuss it and try to resolve it. A lot of times couples are so much in the habit of shoving differences of opinions under the carpet by going in ‘silent zones’ that it becomes like second nature to them and they don’t even realise it! If you two are comfortable in the company of each other, then your relationship requires a bit of overhaul to become alive and kicking once again. In case you two can’t stand each other, get in touch with a counsellor to sort your differences.

Most importantly, care for each other and love each other deeply. Making love will certainly follow, because it is the most natural expression of love known to human being.

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Category: Sex & The City
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