Nice to Say – ‘No’

No is a very simple word. One syllable. Two letters. A complete sentence. No is one of the shortest words in the English language, yet one of the most difficult for women to say. We hear “NO!” in our heads while our mouths are saying ‘yes’. If you belong to the tribe of people who say yes to all commitments, and keep wondering how they are going to meet it, then read ahead to learn to say no? No is more than a word, it can be your passport to freedom and stress relief.

Your plate is piled too overflowing with agendas, so much so that you are scraping between deadlines and meetings. To add to your woes, your boss assigns a new project. Will you say no to your boss or trudge through the extra assignment on the weekend, cursing yourself all the time, because you just couldn’t muster the courage to say no.
With today’s busy schedules, you’re not alone. You must learn when and how to say no if you really want to accelerate your career. By saying no, although you might feel that others will feel offended or hurt, you are also sending a strong message –

• You value your time
• You have priorities
• You also respect the person to whom you’re saying no.
• You don’t want to commit to something and then do a lousy job or not do it at all.

You have ample of reasons to say no–

• Good for you. Saying no is not a selfish act. When you say no, you’ll be able to spend quality time on the things you’ve already said yes to.
• Be special. Saying no will free up time to discover that you’ve also some special talents to pursue other hobbies or interests.
• Value your time. So long as you say yes to every request for your time and talent, you are allowing your friends and associates to consume your most precious asset–your time–to serve their agendas rather than advancing your own.

Negotiating with no

Psychologists say that women have a tough time saying no. Practise these tips to learn saying no–

• Have fun with it! Saying no doesn’t have to be serious or angry. You can try out different funny responses like, “Nope, never as long as I live,” “I did my own thing and now I’ve got to undo it,” “I’m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes,” and so on.
• Be honest, calm and polite. Instead of shouting no at the person and creating an uncomfortable encounter you can instead soften the ‘no’ by postponing your help. People are happier to accept an honest no, than be faced with indecision and a delayed refusal.
• Via someone Allow someone else to say no for you. When a request comes in, check your availability. If you cannot accommodate the request, have a secretary or assistant call back, explaining that you have looked and that your schedule is tight for the next week. You will not be able to help this time.
• ‘Yes’ to future. Say no now, but yes to a time in the future. Use this option when you are truly interested in participating, but you just cannot do so now. Your statement may be, “I’m under deadline for the next two weeks, but the next time, I would be happy to participate.”
• Sandwich no between yeses William Ury, director of the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University addresses the struggle to say no in his new book, The Power of a Positive No. Ury writes, “Serve your no sandwiched between two yeses. It will go down more easily and preserve your relationship yet still allow you to take a stand.”
• Ask for a note or an email. Ask for the request in writing. People who have practised saying no vouch for this. Half of the verbal requests disappear when the people are asked to put them in writing. To begin with, you can say, “I can’t trust my memory. Could you send me a quick note so that I can think about it and check my calendar? Thank you.” This way, the responsibility is on the requester. For those who do drop you a line, you can then check your calendar and your interest, and make a thoughtful decision.

Saying ‘no’ some times becomes an excruciating experience. You are guilt ridden wondering whether saying no was the right thing to do. This strategy is going to work against you. After all, you have to respect your time. Refrain from apologising after saying no, because it sends a wrong signal that you are doing something wrong by saying ‘no’

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