Friends our lifelines

God chose relatives for us. Thank God, we can choose our friends! Meet the new Given an option friends are better than relatives, says Shubhankar Shukla. With relatives you got to do, but you have an option with friends. God chose us our relatives; thank God, we can choose friends! The saying sums the way friendship works for us. It gives us a a ment

Goodbye to the long, sun-drenched days of summer and early fall, and hello to cooler temperatures and shorter days. With winter fast approaching, we know the blahs aren’t far behind. But as enticing as it is to curl up with a book or retreat to your bed for a season-long hibernation, consider what doctors say is key to staying happy and healthy: socializing.
Research shows that not staying connected poses the same risk to your health as high blood pressure, obesity and even smoking. As staggering as that is, a trend toward smaller social networks and fewer close confidants is growing. “More Americans in the last 20 years say that they have fewer close friends or people in their lives with whom they can discuss important matters,” says Duke University sociologist Lynn Smith-Lovin. “What ties to a close-knit group of people does is create a safety net,” she adds.

Doctors agree, and say that a good chat or regular girls’ night out can do even more. “Feeling cared for and supported within a social network is particularly important for women in fostering self-care,” says Todd Jackson, PhD, author of a study published this year linking high levels of social support and community involvement with healthier diet, exercise and sleep habits, among other positive effects. Think of it as a new kind of “friends with benefits” — health benefits. Here’s how the buddy system works to bring about a happier, healthier you:

• Motivation: You know how far just a tiny push can go when buying a new handbag or deciding to pursue that dream job. Having a cheerleader on hand when your workout regimen seems next to impossible is a proven strategy for maintaining a healthy exercise routine. In fact, participants in a 2005 New England-area study who exercised with a partner lost significantly more weight than those who did it alone. Their weight loss after the first six months: at least 10 percent, for both partners.
• Support: Not only are you more inclined to turn to food when feeling lonely — an absolute diet sabotage — but the therapy you get from talking through everyday problems with a friend can ward off more serious ones like depression or insomnia later, explains Michael Wetter, PsyD, Chief of Adult Psychiatry at the Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Hayward, California. What you get when you don’t release your feelings on a regular basis is a balloon-like effect where stress builds up and blood pressure rises, eventually triggering a number of negative consequences, including moodiness and poor sleep. The toll it can take on you physically could end up being far worse than your initial worries.
• Accountability: In Jackson’s study, women who reported more consistent connections with family and friends were also more likely to keep up with routine medical appointments, a finding that might explain why social connectivity has also been shown to reduce the risk of chronic illness and diseases like cervical cancer in some women.

The friends you keep are more than just a byproduct of where you work or grew up; they are actually a survival mechanism, Dr. Wetter notes. Tom Hanks’s desperate attempt at companionship with a volleyball in the movie Cast Away is an example Dr. Wetter uses to explain how friends are necessary for both physical and mental well-being.
That sense of connection experts say, develops after about a month of regular interpersonal contact, and can be nurtured in as little as 15 to 30 minutes a day. Brief chats with a friend or alone time with a spouse three to four times a week can do as much to boost your health as physical activity. Even being in a crowded room with strangers can do the trick.

Having friends may well keep you healthier and help you deal with stress better. Some studies show that people with close friends have a greater ability to fight disease than people who are solitary.

• Make friendship a priority. Find the time to be with friends even if it means letting the lawn go unmowed or the dishes unwashed for a while. When you can’t get together, use the phone to keep in touch.
• Open up to close friends. Maintaining a deep friendship requires a level of “psychological intimacy.” Don’t be afraid to express your inner fears and disappointments. Listen to your friends when they have problems, but offer advice only when it’s wanted. Help reaffirm friends’ self-esteem when they are shaken by a job loss, divorce, or other such event.
• Have different friends for different activities, such as going to the movies, singing in a choir, and participating in a bowling league.
• Don’t wait for a friend to ask a favor. When a friend has the flu, offer to go to the store or drive the children to their after-school activities.
• Never take a friendship for granted. Like a good marriage, friendship needs nurturing and patience. Become a joiner. Find a group that matches your interests. You might look to your church or synagogue for activities. Or try a library, a health club, or an amateur sports group.
• You can also start a group, such as a discussion group on gardening or books. Place an ad in a community newspaper to find people.
• Talk to strangers (using discretion and common sense, of course). Conversations started in museums, laundry rooms, or bookstores can lead to firm friendships.
• Enroll in an adult-education course. A classroom is an ideal place to meet others with similar interests.

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