Forgive & seek freedom

Forgive the person against whom you’ve been holding the grudge and you’re liberated. Sounds so simple and is easy to do too, still most of us wallow in our grudges, seethe in anger and keep distance with forgiveness. This won’t do you any good. Forgive and seek freedom. Archana Darshan tells more

“When I got married I was a young girl of eighteen. My mother-in-law was mean with me through out her life and my husband died prematurely of heart attack. After his death, there was no option for my mother-in-law but to live with me and this made me very bitter. All my life I had borne her unjust behaviour and now living with her under one roof was akin to a situation where steel pots have been put in a glass box. They had to clang and if they clanged more the glass box would break. Within six months of my mother-in-law’s stay I had developed hypertension and depression to which doctors weren’t able to find any clue. One day while flipping channels I caught a programme that spoke of forgiveness as a way to heal you. I decided that I would let the bygones be bygones and forged a new relationship with my mother-in-law. My blood pressure also became normal and I found happiness. I had been seething in anger for so long and this was only harming me,” tells Gurgaon based 50-year-old budding entrepreneur Rohini Kasliwal.

Such is life that we all have hurt others and been hurt by them, making it necessary for each of us to extend and receive forgiveness as we go through life. While we have little control over who will forgive us, we have complete control over whom we will forgive. This is crucial, because willingness to forgive others is not an option for anyone who wants to live a healthy life. Without forgiveness, we forfeit friendships, stunt our personalities and miss the best that life has to offer.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:

• Lower blood pressure
• Stress reduction
• Less hostility
• Better anger management skills
• Lower heart rate
• Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
• Fewer depression symptoms
• Fewer anxiety symptoms
• Reduction in chronic pain
• More friendships
• Healthier relationships
• Greater religious or spiritual well-being
• Improved psychological well-being

Dr Arti Anand, clinical consultant psychologist with Ganga Ram Hospital elaborates on the subject. She says, “When you decide not to forgive, you keep locked inside you feelings of grudge and hopelessness. You seek answers to questions over which you have no control. But, with one decision to forgive you seek control over your situation which releases your negative energies.”

But, forgiving isn’t as simple as it sounds. It takes a whole lot of courage to do so, because we all love to dwell on our identities and what happened in the past, which can be injustice of any kind that shapes our identity. “But, to forgive you need to be proactive,” counsels Dr Anand, “which means you have to be ready to take the first step.” Often talking to the person who has offended you helps in getting rid of the anger seething in you, says she. “But, in no way you should let forgiveness be equated with timidity, because the ability to forgive shows how large hearted you are and ready to take life in your stride,” cautions she.

To forgive someone is to grant pardon to a person who has offended or wronged you. It is a choice to drop all resentment against the culprit. It constitutes an offer to move forward in your relationship with him or her and to get on with life.

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